When everything seems to go wrong;
When every effort you put to live a normal life - "normal" to please society (parents, relatives, friends, employer, colleagues), but which you perceive as completely abnormal for the way you are - seems to drown;
When every thing you do to try to go back to "normality" ends up in a loss;
When the evilest thoughts start coming to your mind ("evilest" for your real self or for this fake society surrounding you? You do not even know anymore)...
...if the former points would best describe your current situation, then stop.
Stop thinking about how to best commit suicide. Stop thinking about how to best self-harm. Stop dwelling on the past passive or active actions that led you to this point. Stop pleasing the people around you, at least this time, and start focusing on yourself. Find out what you really need at this moment, these days, in this period of your life.
I know, it's a difficult task. Society around us is made up of people who do not mutually like themselves, if not by people who secretly hate each other. They - and you too - are all immersed in the mechanisms of capitalism, which can be summarized as follows: you produce, we give you just enough money to buy the useless and unrequested things that we make you think you absolutely need (whereas you would best live without), we earn a lot of money. This cycle has been repeating itself for over two centuries. And while the masters, the employers, the capitalists enrich themselves thanks to your work, thanks to the time that you provide them with, thanks to your efforts and to your sweat, YOU are losing precious time to try, at least, to live a better life, to find a better way, to find the truth, your own truth.
Unfortunately, I do not have a solution for you to interrupt this evil cycle of exploitation, you being the exploited one (together with many others). No, I do not have any solution for you, apart from this one: get educated. Read. Learn more about this system, about its mechanisms and logic. But, most of all, get to know the thinking of all those people who, like you do, have studied about the capitalistic society. They will provide you with their critical analysis of this economic and social system. They will inspire you. They may even give you the answers you were always craving for.
Work yourself up, because we will need all your enthusiasm.
Get organized, because we will need all your strength."